Monday, May 18, 2009

Even with technology, it still feels far away


Last week, my mum and I skyped for the first time. Sure it was nice seeing her. She looked pretty as always in my eyes, as if time has not changed much. Seeing my very young niece still being very attached to my mom, (my mom helps care for my niece with my brother and sister in law are at work) brings me back to the time I was in a high rise home, looking out of the window at my clean and green island country. Skyping with mom was not so fun though. It required too much Internet savvy-ness which was was a bit too tough for mom to handle.

My little niece is able to talk and sing a lot more now, proving that time in Singapore has moved on without me. I have another niece born recently, and soon I'll have another nephew in a few months time. My close secondary school friend has gotten married while I'm away, and I miss my best friend (of almost a decade) very much. She's the one I reflect with the most before the creation of this blog. Of course I now have my husband to remain accountable to, and the rest of my reflections are now contained electronically to a voluntary audience whom I may or may not know. It would not be surprising that with the natural occurrence of time, best friends can fade out into normal friends.

Still, I am thankful for technology, because it has increased communication accessibility for long distance relationships. Long distance telephone calls are been much cheaper in recent years. Using an Internet phonecard, I spend less than a dollar per hour when I call Singapore. 018 from Starhub allows my family to call me at local rates too. Social networking websites like Facebook are especially useful to know what your friends are up to.

My brother also bought my mom an itouch, so that we can correspond via emails. Steadily my mom learnt how to use it, and progressed from email messages that looked like abbreviated SMSes, to really impressive letter writings. I am so proud of her.

But still, why... Why do I feel so far away? This is the feeling I get recently. I did not feel this way when I first moved here, naively thinking that with up to date communication, it is easy to keep up. And with so much to do and appreciate in America, we would have much to talk about. However we do not call each other as often as if I were in Singapore although the calling rates are so cheap. Perhaps the misconception of phone calls being expensive is still stuck in our minds?

So why do I feel so far away? It is because relationships are more than just about "keeping up with the news" of your friends and family. I miss just being beside you. I miss enjoying the night breeze with you as we share heart felt thoughts. I miss being of service to you, helping out whenever I can, or having us check on each other to make sure all is well. I'm sad when I miss once-in-a-lifetime events. I miss the relationships that we have built after so long, after going through so much, and I do not think I would find such a relationship here in NYC so soon. Nevertheless, Thank God for Love.

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